Xander's Fall
by kcjadesolo
Summary: After Buffy finds out about Xander lying to her, she tosses him out of the Scoobies. this is the story Xander fall's in to darkness and his rise back to the light. WARING: rape, drug use, suicide attempt, cutting, Xander abuse, slight Willow bashing, heav
1. Chapter 1

don't own Buffy. Warning: rape, drug use, suicide, cutting, heavy Buffy and Cordelia bashing, and small amounts of Willow bashing.

Xander's Fall

Chapter 1

Oakview Cemetery

June 16th 1998

10:30 p.m

Four young people walked thru a graveyard; there were three young women and one young man. All of a sudden they were attacked by five beings. They fought them, one of the young women with blonde hair throw one of the beings in to a headstone, then pulled out a wooden stake and stabbed the being in the chest. The other two young women were fighting with one each attacker, one had brown hair and the other had red hair, they stake their attacks just as the blonde staked another one. The young man was thrown into a headstone, the blonde rushed over and staked the attacker before he bite the young man.

"Xander what the hell were you doing? Huh, can't you do anything right?" yelled the blonde at the young man, who was shaking his head as he sat there. He looked up at the blonde then got up; he winced as he grabbed his ribs.

"Sorry Buffy, but I had that Vamp just where I wanted." said Xander as he looked at the blonde, then he turned to the other two girls.

"No Xander, you nearly got killed. God, you're useless. Why can't you can't you just do what your told." said Buffy as she walked away from him a ways, then she turned on him.

"Xander. We know about your lying to me. That Willow had told you to tell me that she was going to do the spell and that you didn't tell me. Where that jealous of Angel that you needed to get him out of the way. Did you think that once he was gone that you would have a chance with me. Well your wrong, sooo wrong. I would never go out with such a loser like you." said Buffy as she stepped right up to him, Xander took a step back, he looked over to the red head, but she just gave him a hard look.

"Buffy, I lied because I knew that if you knew that Willow was going to do the spell, and then you wouldn't have fought your best, an if you didn't fight at your best then Angelus would have killed you and then he would have ended the world. Willow maybe one super witch but that was the first time that she had ever done a spell that big. I was just doing what I thought was best for the world." said Xander, begging with his eyes that they understand.

"Oh, please. You wanted to get with me and knew that with Angel here that you were never going to get that chance. I don't know what I ever saw in you as a friend. You know it would have been better if you had been the one turned instead of Jesse, I think that he would have been the better friend." said Buffy with a snare on her face, Xander stumbled back as if he had been hit.

"Buffy's right Harris, the world would have been much better off if Jesse had lived an you hadn't. He would have been a much better help, Buffy wouldn't have to spend so much time rescuing him from the Vampires. God can you be anymore pathetic, what the hell did I ever see in you? I mean why did I even date you, your nothing but a loser, a pathetic worthless excuse of a person." said the brown haired girl to Xander, also slapping him. Xander stumbled back from her, hurt shining in his eyes, as he looked at the three girls.

"Xander, while I don't think Cordelia was right in calling you a pathetic worthless excuse of a person, their being angry at you is. You lied to Buffy and you didn't trust me enough to do the spell. I don't think that I can trust you anymore either. I think that we need to go are separate way." babbled the red head as she walked up to Xander, stopping right in front of him. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, and it tore at his heart.

"Willow, I trusted you. But you had just woken up from a coma, I didn't know if you were going to be physical capable of doing it. An I knew that if Buffy knew that you were going to do the spell that she wouldn't have fought her hardest. If I had told her about the spell an she had held back an you hadn't been able to do the spell, or it took longer then you thought, Angelus could have won, an then the world would have ended. I did what I thought was best for the world, I'm sorry if you can't understand that. But, please, don't cut me out." said as he looked at his oldest friend, begging with his eyes that she not walk away from him. But Willow shook her head an turned away from him; she walked a ways away from them, her back to Xander. Her turning away from him made Xander fall to his knees, tears in his eyes.

"How pathetic. God Xander, don't you have any self-esteem. Oh yeah, that's right, you don't. Oh and you really didn't think that we believe that you lied to save the world, Oh please, like you could do anything like that. From now on we never want to talk to you again, and stay out of my way or I just might mistake you for a demon and kill you." said Buffy as she and Cordelia turned an joined Willow, then they walked off together. Xander gets up after a few minutes an walks home, when he comes in his father and mother are passed out on the couch drunk. Xander's heart is broken; he doesn't know what to do with out Willow to talk to.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sunnydale High school

September 1st 1998

7:45 a.m

Willow sat on the front steps of the high school waiting for Buffy to get there. She saw Buffy walking up right then with Cordelia from the left as Xander came from the right. She had been trying to talk to him all summer, but he wouldn't talk to her.

"Hey Willow, happy that school is started, this is our last year." said Buffy as she stopped right beside her.

"Yeah. Just a sec." said Willow as she nodded to Buffy and Cordelia then went over to where Xander was talking to some other boy's, boy's that were known to be very bad guy's.

"Hey Xander, I've been trying to talk to you all summer, can we talk later?" said Willow in a rush, Xander just snared at her.

"I'm sorry do I know you? Oh yeah, you us to be my former best friend. Sorry, I don't hang out with geeks and freaks anymore. Come on guys the people around here are getting boring to look at." said Xander as he turned away from Willow, who was shocked and hurt by what Xander had said to her. She was also surprised by what he was wearing; he had on a pair of black jeans, a white muscle shirt with a dark red button up shirt over it unbuttoned, and a black leather jacket and had a silver hoop earring in his right ear. She turned around as Buffy and Cordelia walked up to her, Buffy putting her arm around Willow as she started to cry.

"Willow, it's ok. Xander Harris is just a jerk, an he doesn't deserver your crying over him." said Cordelia as she patted Willow on the back.

"It's not that, I…I…I could see that… the spark in his eyes that made Xander, Xander was no longer there. He is totally different, uncaring, Xander has never been uncaring in his life." said Willow, as she looked at where her former best friend, the one that she had thought was going to be there for the rest of her life had walked to.

The bell rang an they all went inside, all thru that day whenever Xander would catch sight of Willow he would get a very hard expression on his face and turn around. Willow would get very down each time this happened, cause it hurt to have your oldest friend since kindergarten not talking to you and really hating you. Buffy and Cordelia didn't care if Xander turned around when he saw them, they preferred it that he wasn't in there presents. An when they had a class together they would make fun of him and say some of the most hateful things were only he could hear them. Xander would say things back to them, but they didn't seem to care what he said to them. Over the next few days Giles watched as them as they ignored each other, and how it hurt Willow and Xander, Buffy and Cordelia didn't seem to be affected by any of it. Giles sees Xander the next morning staggering into school. Giles grabs him before Snyder catches him; he puts him in his office.

"Xander, what are you thinking? Coming to school drunk, and if I'm not mistaking high? Do you want to get expelled from school? This is your last year, you have worked real hard." said Giles as he hand him a cup of tea and had him drink it.

"Who cares, like Buffy and them say; I'm nothing. Thanks for the tea, G-man but I got to get to class." said Xander as he got up from the couch, just as Snyder walked in to the library.

"Mr. Harris, what a surprise. And just were is your pass?" asked Snyder with a smirk on his face. Xander opened his mouth to say something but Giles started talk first.

"Mr. Harris was not feeling well, I gave him some tea and had him lay down for a few minutes, I have all ready called an talked to his first period teacher." said Giles, who just looked down at Snyder, daring him to say something to him. Snyder just snared at him a turned around.

"Oh, there is a teachers meeting this afternoon, be there Mr. Giles. Four o'clock." said Snyder as he walked out of the library. Xander just stood there, looking at Giles.

"Xander, the girls maybe mad at you. But your not nothing, you happen to be a very bright young man. Xander, you can always come a talk to me if you need to. Your not alone." said Giles, but Xander just shrugged his shoulders, and turned to walk away, but Giles stopped him.

"Xander, getting drunk and high is not going to solve any of your problems it'd just going to cause you more problems in the long run. Take it from some one who has seen it time and again, a number of my friends from when I was at school went that road. And a couple of them never made it off, one was a boy that I had known since we were four years old, by the time that we were twenty-six he was dead, overdose of PCP. Xander, please don't let that happen to you." said Giles, Xander just looked away.

"Don't worry G-man, I'm not doing anything. I just got a little drunk last night, I'm fine. But thanks for being worried." said Xander as he walked out of the library, he turned when he heard Giles sigh and go back in his office.

"Cause no one else ever has." whispers Xander, as he walks to class. Over the next few days Xander got into a number of yelling matches with a number of the kids at the school. Buffy and Cordelia kept taunting him and Willow tried to talk to him a few times, but finally she stopped trying. About a week after school started Buffy, Cordelia and Willow were in the library researching the latest big bad when Cordelia brought up Xander.

"Buffy, you will never guess what I heard to day?" said Cordelia as she tried to read thru a book on demons that was in Latin.

"What?" asked Buffy who was also trying to read a book this time on myths that was in German.

"I hear from one of the guy's on the football team that Xander has been doing drugs, even right here at school." said Cordelia as she shut the book that she had been reading.

"No way?! Wow, how pathetic can you get? It's a good thing that we stopped hanging out with him when we did then." said Buffy as she too closed her book; she looked up as someone slammed their book closed.

"Buffy, do you not think that just maybe that it was your tossing Xander out of the group that pushed him to do drugs?" asked Giles as he looked down at her, his book that he had been reading closed and pushed back from him.

"No, I mean come on, so where not his friends no more, like get over it. That is just an excuse Giles, him just trying to blame me." said Buffy as she looked at Cordelia, who was nodding her head in agreement. Then over at Willow, who just shrugged her shoulders at Buffy.

"Buffy you do not understand what I'm saying. Xander before he was tossed out of the group, and the three of you stopped talking to him, he was… he was a happy young man. He was doing well in school, now not more then three months later he is a angry young man, his grades have slipped. Do you not think that what you did might have had the slightest effect on him?" asked Giles as he walked towards Buffy. Buffy just looked at Giles.

"No. Giles, he is just a pathetic loser who needs to learn to grow up." said Buffy as she stood up along with Cordelia.

"Well, I hope that he doesn't go the road of a couple of friends of mine from Eton did. I once knew a boy; he had everything going for him. He was the heir to a very large fortune; he was one day to become a Earl. But like so many of our peers, he was an only child, and had been trained from birth to be a Earl. He felt like there was no one that understood him, so when he was thirteen he started drinking and by the time that he died when he was twenty-six he had done a number of different drugs. He left his mother, father, two sons, and a wife. And yet Ethan, me and two other people were the only ones that were at his funeral. And do you want to know why, because he was an embarrassment to his family, the same family that had never taken the time to find out why he did what he did. Do you know what it feels like to see someone who holds such promise crash and burn like that? I have; I have a number of times. This time it was my cousin David, we had grown up together. He had wanted to be rock musician but his father told him that he was to be Earl and that was all that he needed to be, that he didn't have time to play at something. Now Xander and David might not have that much in common, but they have a few things in common I think. I believe that Xander feels that helping you Buffy was something that he had to do, that it was maybe the one thing that he was good at. Then you told him that he wasn't and that he was useless, you destroyed his self esteem. And you told him that the world would be better off with out him. What do you think that his response to that should be." said Giles as he turned and went into his office leaving the girls gapping at his retreating back. They looked at one another, then at the closed office door and then back at each other.

"Do you think that he's right? Could our being mean to Xander have caused him to start acting the way that he has been acting?" asked Willow as she thought about what she had seen the other night.

_FLASHBACK_

Willow was up getting a glass of water, she looked out the kitchen window. She saw Xander staggering up to his house; he looked like he had been drinking. He turned to look at Willow's house, oh how she missed the days when he would come over an visit. His front door was opened before he could open it, Willow saw Xander's dad standing there. Willow got worried at that; she knew that Mr. Harris was a very mean man most of the time. Xander looked like he said something, and then pushed his way into the house. A few minutes later Willow heard yelling coming from Xander's house. She went to the door; she was going to make sure that Xander was alright, even if he hated her. But there was no more yelling an she knew that Xander was ok. She missed her friend, she missed her Xander.

_END FLASHBACK_

Willow looked at the other two girls, but they just shook their heads.

"No, Willow, of course not. Xander is just doing what a pathetic loser would have done, Giles is just trying to guilt trip us into being nice to Xander, Xander has probable been bothering him is all." said Cordelia as she got up from the table, she grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and put it on.

"Yeah, Willow. Xander's not having any problems, if anything I think that he is just showing the rest of us what he has been doing for a long time now, that's all. Now come on, were going to the Bronze, want to come along?" asked Buffy as she got up from the table and grabbed her bag from the floor. Willow just shook her head.

"No, I'm going to work a bit more then I'm going to go home. See you guy's tomorrow." said Willow as they left, then she closed her book and went to Giles's office; she knocked and wait for him to tell her to come in. She walked in, Giles was reading a book, and she couldn't see the title.

"Giles, how sure are you that Xander is acting this way because of what we did?" asked Willow as she set down on the couch in his office. Giles sat his book down and turned towards her.

"I think that I'm a hundred percent right. Why?" asked Giles as he studied Willow, she was very smart, had she picked up on something that he had not.

"Is it true that Xander is doing drugs?" asked Willow instead of answer Giles questions. Giles could see the hope in her eyes wishing that he was wrong, but knowing that he was right.

"Yes it's true that he is doing drugs. Willow, you didn't answer my question, why? You, Buffy and Cordelia have all been taking turns hurting him, why the concern about him?" asked Giles as he studied Willow's face, what he saw there confuse him. She was scared an concerned but she was also puzzled, he could see it all in the way that she held her body and her eyes.

"Giles, Xander has been my best friend since I was five. This is the first time that we have had a fight, a big fight you know, did you know that. Twelve years, that's how long we have been friends, twelve years with out a big fight. You know that this is the longest that I have ever gone with out talking to him, Giles, I miss my Xander." cried Willow as she put her head in her hands, Giles got up and went over to her, he knelt down in front of her. Taking her shin in his hand he tilted it up.

"Willow, you don't need to tell me this, you need to tell Xander this." said Giles as he looked into her eyes, he could see the pain in them.

"I've tried, he wont talk to me, I've been trying all summer." said Willow as she wiped her eyes and sniffled. Giles nodded as he got up and went back to his seat.

"Well then you will just have to keep trying, won't you." said Giles with a smile as Willow nodded and got up.

"Thanks Giles, your right. If I want to show Xander that I'm sorry for what I've done then I need to work for it, I'll just keep at it till he sees that I'm sorry. See tomorrow Giles." said Willow as she walked out of his office and the library, Giles just smiled. Maybe Xander wouldn't fall after all, just maybe Willow will be there when he stumbles and will catch him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Bronze

October 16th 1998

10:30 p.m

Xander walked into the Bronze, he looked up to the stage where 'the Dingoes Ate My Baby' were playing. He looked around the club and saw Willow sitting at one of the tables near the stage, so Xander sat at one of the tables as far from her as he could. He listened to them, and watched when they were finished Oz walking over to Willow. He saw Devon coming over his way; he nodded to him as he sat down at his table.

"Hey, you guy's were great up there." said Xander as he took sip of the drink that he had, smiling at Devon. Xander had figured out a month ago that he liked Devon in that way.

"Thanks. Hey, are you going to Brad's party tonight?" asked Devon as two guy's came into the club and walked up to Xander's table, he nodded to them as he got up to go back on stage.

"Yeah." said Xander as he turned to greet the guy's that had sat down at his table.

"Hey guy's, what's up?" asked Xander as he looked at Devon's retreating backside, he was getting hard just looking at him.

"You are Xander." said one of the guy's, a blonde with green eyes and both ears pierced.

"Ha ha, very funny Dylan. So what are you to doing?" asked Xander as he turned back to Dylan and the other guy.

"Craig and me are about to head over to Brad's, we were wondering if you wanted a ride or not?" asked Dylan as he took a flask from his jacket and opening it took a sip from it. He then handed it to Craig, who took a drink then to Xander, who also took a drink, then handed it back.

"I'm going to ride over with Devon, but thanks anyway." said Xander as he looked to the door, Buffy and Cordelia walked in and made their way over to where Willow was sitting. He turned back to Dylan and Craig when they started talking once more.

"Damm, those are some foxy girls, I bet that I could get the blonde to do me in the bath room." said Craig as he looked at Buffy, Xander just shook his head.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you, that's Buffy Summers, she gives it up for any guy that she dates. I hear that she is so bad in the sack that the first guy that she sleep with was so unsatisfied that he left town. Also, a couple of the guy's that have had her, they went gay afterwards, and she was so bad. This one guy said that she was like fucking a corpse, that she just laid there, didn't even move. But if you want to try her, go on, but I would make sure to us a condom you really don't know were or WHAT has been with her." said with a smirk that they didn't see, he almost laughed out loud when they stared in horror at her. Dylan turned to him then, while Craig grabbed the flask an took another drink.

"An what about the other one? The brunette is she any good in the sack?" asked Dylan as he took the flask from Craig and took a drink then pasted it to Xander.

"No way. I dated her, she is horrible in the sack, she doesn't just lay there, but she doesn't really do it for me. Oh, and she gives the worst head that I have ever had. And she has been around too." said Xander as he took a drink from the flask, then another one then handed it back to Dylan.

"Man, well I guess that we will have to try some other girls, like at the party." said Craig as they got up to leave, they nodded to Xander as they turned and left. Xander went to the bar and got himself a Coke, then sat back down. A while later Cordy and Buffy walked over to his table.

"Well look what was let in, I thought that they had fumigated the place last week, I guess they missed one." said Cordelia as she looked at him with contempt, and a smirk on her face.

"Well, if it isn't the school whores, so how many guy's have you two serviced today? Or should I ask how many Vamps you serviced?" said Xander with a smirk on his face as he looked at them with disgust on his face. Cordy and Buffy looked at him with hate in their eyes, Buffy stepped towards him as if to hit him but then she stopped.

"I thought that druggies couldn't afford to go out, oh that's right, you probably have some one to pay your way. Just like when we were friends. So are you banging some old guy to pay for all of this, or what?" asked Buffy as she pointed to his new cloths, as she smirked at him.

"Oh, was that the best that your little brain could come up with? No wonder your sleeping with Snyder, it's so that he makes all the teachers give you good grades. But I wonder, why is Cordelia sleeping with him, oh I know, because she is just as bad as you are." said Xander as he smirked at their outraged looks, he turns to look at the stage as he hears Devon say that this is their last song of the night.

"Well, at lest we have brains, you don't, or what little brains that you had left have all died by now. Just what are you going to do after school, oh I know, your going to be a pizza delivery driver? It's the only thing that you will be good for, really it's the only thing that you have ever been good for, well that and demon and vamp bait." said Cordelia as she turned to leave, Buffy about to also.

"Well, at lest I'll be working at something that I'll be proud to say I do, not like you to Whores. What are you going to tell your parents when they ask what you do for a living; oh we sell ourselves to who ever has the most money? Yeah, great career choice girls." said Xander as he looked at them, Buffy turned back around and punched him, and it was only at half speed. His head snapped back, and he stumbled back. Then Cordelia thru her drink in his face and slapped him, then they stocked off. Xander sat down and waited for Devon to get through. Then they headed to the party, with Devon driving. Loud music thumps from the house, as they drive up to the house.

"You ever been to one of Brad's party's, Xan?" asked Devon as they got out of the car. Devon looked over at Xander; he licked his lips, and then turned away from him.

'Wow Xander is really looking hot tonight.' thought Devon as they started up to the house.

"Yeah, Cordelia and me came too a couple of his party's, why?" asked Xander, as they reached the door of the house, the door is open so they just walk on in. Xander looks around the house and sees Dylan and Craig, the come over when they see them.

"Hey Xan, Devon." said Craig as he hands Xander a beer, Xander opens the beer and takes a large drink. Devon just nods to them, also taking a beer from Dylan.

"Hey." said Devon as he turned to move away from Xander leaving him with Craig and Dylan. Xander and them move over to one of the couches that were free. Xander sits with them for an hour or two, drinking a number of beers. Then someone hands him a needle full of something, Xander just nodded his head and shot up. He throw back his head as he felt a rush, he grinned at Craig and grabbed the girl sitting on Craig's lap and pulled her into a kiss. They kissed for a long minute then Craig pulled her back away from Xander.

"Hey go find your own girl Harris." said Craig with a smile, Xander just nodded and got up to get another beer. While he was up he saw Devon and went over to talk to him.

"Hey." said Xander as he sat down next to Devon, handing him a beer. Devon nodded at him, then opened and took a long swig of beer.

"Having fun?" asked Devon as someone handed him a couple of pills, him and Xander popped the pills, Devon popped one while Xander popped two.

"Yeah, you?" said Xander with a slur in his voice, he had had a lot to drink.

"Of course, but I need to go, we have a gig at the Bronze tomorrow night. You need a ride home or are you going to stay awhile?" asked Devon as he stood up, swaying a bit, he looked down at Xander.

"I'm going to stay, the party isn't over yet?" said Xander as he tried to get up but he fell back down on the couch laughing. A girl on his right put her hand on his crotch, pressing on it. Xander turned to her and pressed himself into her hand, smiling at her.

"Right, see you Xan." said Devon as he left the party. Xander just nodded at him, grabbing the girl and kissing her.

"Hey, Xander, want to have some fun." asked someone from behind him, he pushed the girl back; she just shrugged her shoulders and turned to another guy. Xander turned around to look at the speaker; it was a tall brunette man.

"Hey Brad, great party, an yeah, I want to have some fun." said Xander as he stood up, swaying on his feet. He grinned at them, as they handed him a beer, which he opened and took a long drink.

"Well, why don't you come with us, were talking to a number of girls, an I think that you would like them." said Brad as he started walking away, showing Xander the way to the other room. Once they got in the room, Xander saw that there were a number of beds in this room. It was a huge room, with five large beds. There were a number of guy's and girls in the room, a number of them were having sex. Xander stopped as he looked at the beds, and all of the girls and guys. Brad turns to him and grabbed his hand and leads him to one of the beds, were there were three girls on a bed.

"Hey girls, this is Xander, I think that he could do with some fun, what do you think?" said Brad as he gently pushed Xander on to the bed with the girls. They just nodded and started undressing him, Xander just laid there as they undressed him. One of them started kissing him on the mouth, while another one after taking off his shirt started kissing his chest. After getting off his pants and boxers, the third one started licking his cock. He started getting hard as the girl starts licking his balls as she grasped and pulled his cock. As he got fully hard, she started putting her whole mouth on his cock, putting half of him in her mouth. The first girl pulled his face around to her, then began to deepen the kiss, as the second girl started licking and kissing his chest as she moved up and down his torso.

"You like that Xan?" asked Brad as he got on the bed also, coming up behind the girl that was kissing Xander. Xander could only nodded as the first girl nipped his lip then went back to kissing him, she gasped out as Brad entered her from behind. Xander looked up at Brad and smiled at him as the third girl started moving faster. Xander started thrusting against her mouth, till he came, throwing his head back as he came.

"Like that huh? Larry I think that Xan here likes that don't you?" asked Brad of the other guy. Larry just nodded as he also got on the bed, behind the second girl who was moving to in front of Xander.

"Hey Harris, want some?" asked Larry as he held out some pills and vials to Xander. Xander looked at them then back up at Larry.

"What do you have?" asked Xander as someone handed them beers, one of the girls opened them, and Xander took a long drink.

"Some X, special K, and some Xanax; so what is your poison?" asks Larry, as the other take what they want.

"Special K, I've never had that before." said Xander as he popped two of the pills that Larry held out, as the second girl put Xander's cock in her mouth, bobbing up an down on his cock. Xander smiled as the third girl moved to kiss him, while the second girl licked and kissed his torso, biting him every once in awhile. Xander started thrusting into her mouth, and then she gasped as Brad entered her from behind. The two girls were moaning as Brad and Larry drove into them, in time. The third girl groaned as the other to girls moaned, then Xander puts one of his figures into her mouth, she started sucking on his figure. Once it was wet enough Xander pulled it out, the girl moaned unhappily, then moans with pleasure as Xander slipped his figure into her, then pulled half out. She moaned as he thrust his figure back in, he then slipped a second figure in her. She started licking his stomach, she gasped once more as he slipped a third figure into her. She moaned and gasped as he started to thrust his figures in time with Larry and Brad. The three boy's came at the same time, the girls also, each screaming out as they came. Xander laid there for a few minutes as he slipped in and out of consciousness.

"Oh look Brad, Xander's getting tired." said Larry as he waved the girls away from the bed. He smiled at Brad as he turned Xander over on his stomach.

"So he has. Xan, do you know what happens to people that pass out at party's?" asked Brad as Larry pulled out a bottle of lube from a table by the bed and started lubing up his figures. Xander shook his head and tried to get up, but Larry pushed him down on the bed.

"Uh, no. Hey guy's I think that I need to get up, I'm starting to feel sleepy." said Xander as he once again tried to get up, but again Larry pushed him back down.

"Oh, sorry Xander, but the fun is just now starting. You don't want to miss that, now do you." said Larry as he pushed Xander's ass cheeks apart and slipped one of his figures into Xander. Xander tried to pull away but Brad held him in place.

"No. Stop, I don't want to do this." said Xander as he started to wiggly, trying to get away from them, but Brad wouldn't let him, and Larry pulled out his figure half way then thrust back in very hard. He did that once, twice, three times then he slipped in his second figure, and did the same. Once, twice, three times then the third figure, he was thrusting his figures into Xander very quickly then, while caressing Xander's ass.

"Oh, your tight Xan, so fucking tight. God, am I the first guy to touch you here?" moaned Larry as he thrust his figures in to Xander, he then pulled them out and quickly slicked up his cock and savagely entered Xander. Xander cried out as he was entered, trying once more to pull away from Larry, but his muscles were not working.

"Please, stop. Larry, no, please stop." cried Xander as Larry pounded into him, over and over again. Larry's right hand reached under Xander and grasped his half harden length and started pumping him. He thrust and pumped in time, till they reached release, at the same time. Larry pulled out his flaccid cock, laughing at Xander as he begged to be left alone.

"Oh, is poor Xander not having no more fun?" asked Larry as he sat back down on the bed as Brad got in behind Xander, slicking up his cock and entering Xander. Brad thrust in and out of him in a vicious pace.

"Oh, god, yeah. You were right Larry, his ass is sweet. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, oh god yeah." scream Brad as he pounded into Xander, rushing to orgasm, he thru back his head as he came. He fell away from Xander as he pulled out, his flaccid cock making a wet sucking noise. Larry crawled over to him and over Xander as he started to lick Brad's cum off of his flaccid cock.

"You know how that gets to me, right?" asked Brad as his cock stirred, as Larry licked his cock slowly, then swallowing almost all of it. Brad thrust into Larry's mouth, throwing back his head and moaning. He groaned as Larry sat up.

"How about we take this to another bed and let some of the others play with Xander." said Larry as he grabbed Brad in a deep kiss, then pulled back, getting off of the bed and walking to the next one over, making the people on the bed get off. Brad smiled at him as he laid down.

"Yeah, ok. Ok, any one want to fuck him, go ahead." said Brad as he got off of the bed and went over to the other bed and him and Larry started to play. For the next two hours very body that want to fuck Xander had, guy's and girls, by that time that Brad and Larry decided that they wanted to play with him again, he had also stopped making any sound. Brad and Larry got back on the bed, pushing him sideways on the bed.

"Oh, time to play. Oh, we need to clean him up a bit I think." said Brad as he grabbed a box of wet wipes from the table beside the bed, wiping off all of the cum that was on Xander. Xander tried to pull away, as he woke up.

"Yeah, don't want to have other guy's cum on you. Need to clean him up front to, looks like some girls had some fun with him too." said Larry as he took Xander's flaccid cock in his hand and started washing it. Xander whimpered as Larry touched him, causing Larry to smile. Xander started getting hard as Larry grasped his cock tightly, moving his hand up and down. Xander closed his eyes as tears started falling from his eyes.

"Oh, looks like Xan is liking this. Oh, does Xander want more?" asked Larry as he started stroking Xander harder and faster, till Xander came. Larry wiped him off, and then grinned at Brad.

"Guess he likes this." said Larry with a smile, as Brad just nodded.

"Guess he does. Time to play." said Brad as he slicked up his harden cock an grabbed Xander's hips.

"You know I think that this time we should do him at the same time, what do you think Brad?" asked Larry as he lend back against the wall that the bed was up against, with a predatory grin on his face.

"Yeah, I like the way that you think." said Brad as he pulled Xander up on to all fours, Xander tried to fight him but he was to week to do anything that would work. Larry grabbed Xander's head and pushed his harden cock into Xander's mouth as Brad viciously entered Xander. Larry controlled Xander's head, making him bop up and down on his cock, as he timed it with Brad's thrust. Brad pounded into him, as fast as he could go.

"Oh god, this is great, oh. Mmmh, yeah." said Brad as he thrust into Xander, thrusting in and out.

"Oh, yeah. Oh, god. I can't believe his mouth, oh god, he has a mouth of a whore." said Larry as he thrust into Xander's warm mouth.

"Mmmh, oh oh oh, yeah. Baby, oh yeah. Your so good." said Brad, pounding into Xander.

"Suck harder, bitch. Oh, yeah, oh god." said Larry, as he reached forward and grasped Xander's half harden cock, he started pumping him in time with them. Brad and Larry thru back their heads and let out a scream as them came. Larry making Xander swallowing his cum, then pulling his flaccid cock out of his mouth at the same time that Brad pulled out of him. Xander turned over and puked on the floor. Xander got to his feet and took a step, but then Larry grabbed him around the throat and pulled him back on to the bed. He punched him in the face then in the stomach, before he thru him back at Brad, and then he went and grabbed a bottle of beer.

"Here, gargle, I don't want puke on my cock an neither does Brad. And don't try to get away again, you can go when we are done playing." said Larry as he handed Xander the beer, Xander did want he was told then he tried to curl into a ball. But Larry pulled him to him, grinding him self in to Xander's ass, rubbing against his hole, causing Xander to harden. Larry smiled at him, and then he looked up at Brad.

"Hey, I think that Xand here likes getting raped, what do you think?" asked Larry as he pushed Xander on to all fours as he slicked up his cock.

"Yeah, I think your right." said Brad as he grabbed Xander's head and pushed him down on his cock.

"Now, be a good little bitch and please me and we might let you go, got that?" said Brad, Xander nodded his head, looking up at Brad, who just smiled at him. Larry grabbed his hips and entered him quickly, and then they started again. They came mush quicker this time, after they were done; they rolled away from Xander and off of the bed. Larry grabbed up Xander's pants and thru them at him.

"Get dressed, and don't come back to another one of my parties, you're popular enough, but you are a great fuck. If you want to get together sometime, we won't mind you in our bed, now would we Larry?" said Brad as he walked out of the room, while Larry just smiled as Xander pulled on his boxers and then his pants. Xander was shaking as he went around the bed looking for his shirt, he found it and hurriedly put it on.

"Yeah, Xan. Anytime that you want to be back in our bed, you just say the word. Cause, you were a Great fuck. Hey, if you want, we can meet tomorrow afternoon?" said Larry as he moved to were Xander was looking for his boots, he pressed Xander up against the wall and licked his lips then kissed him. Xander pushed him away gasping for air as he moved away from Larry. He found his boots and got them on then went into the other room. He looked around the room, trying to think of who he knew, but he knew that probably everybody in the room had raped him.

**No, not raped. Not raped, you came, that means that you liked it.** said a voice in Xander's head.

_No, I didn't like it. No, I wanted them to stop, it was rape. Oh god, I was raped._ thought Xander back at the voice. Deep in Xander's mind the Hyena growled and rattled her cage. Xander shook his head as he started to stumble his way to the door; he opened the door to find that it was morning, and that the sun was up.

_Wow, I guess I was out for a while._ thought Xander, he felt for his cell phone. He sighted, at one time he would have called Willow to come and give him a ride.

Hey_, Oz will give me a ride, if he is a wake. Wonder what time it is?_ thought Xander as he pulled his cell phone out. The display said that it was six o'clock, way to early to wake up Oz.

_Oh well, guess I'll have to walk back home. It's not that far, just three miles,_ thought Xander as he walked out of the door and set off, his head down. After a few minutes he heard a car coming his way, he looked up as a car came into view, he moved out of it's way. It slowed down as it got closer, and stopped right next to Xander. A young woman, a couple of years older then Xander was driving the car.

"Hey kid, do you know were a Brad Stevens's is at?" asked the girl as she looked at him. Xander nodded at her then pointed back the way that he came.

Thanks, hey do you need a ride home?" asked the girl as she looked at him. Xander just nodded at her and got in to the backseat of the car.

"Thanks." said Xander as he put on his belt and slumped down in his seat.

"It's cool, the names Lauren by the way. I'm here to pick up my little sister, so what is your name kid?" asked Lauren as they pulled up to the house an a auburn haired girl got in to the car on the passenger side. She looked back at Xander then back at her sister.

"Thanks Lauren." she said then slumped in her seat as well.

"Xander." said Xander, as he just looked at his lap, Lauren looked a\back and froth from one to the other and back again.

"Ok, what happened at the party? Lisa?" asked Lauren as they went down the highway. Lisa just slumped farther into her seat and shook her head.

"Come on guy's what happened?" said Lauren as she looked back at Xander, who just looked at his feet as she shook his head.

"I live in Sunnydale, is that out of your way?" asked Xander, in a small voice.

"No, I live there. Lisa is just down for the weekend and was invited to the party last night." said Lauren trying to get him to talk, but he just nodded. She kept quiet for the rest of the ride to town, which wasn't that long, just a few minutes. Xander told her which street that he lived on, and she dropped him off in front of his house. He thanked her for the ride home and then he stumbled up to his house. He unlocked the door and tried to sneak in, but his father was waiting in the living room for him.

"Were the hell have you been boy?" yelled his father.

"Out." said Xander as he turned to go upstairs to his room, but his father spun him around and got in his face.

"Out where?" asked his father.

"I was out at a party, what's it to you? Like you care?" said Xander as he looked at his father, disgusted at him.

"I'm your father you will not talk to me like that, do you understand me?" yelled his father, as he got right in Xander's face.

"Whatever, I'm tired. I'm going to bed." said Xander as he turned to go. He never saw his father's fist, but he felt it when it hit him, taking him down.

"You will listen to me you little bastard. I brought you in to this world an I can and will take you out of it." said his father as he hit and kicked Xander. Xander curled into a ball; he didn't have the strength to stop his father this time. His father kicked him a few more times then he left him alone and went into the kitchen, Xander heard the opening of a beer bottle. He got up and stumbled to his bedroom. He laid down on his bed and started to shake and cry, he laid there all day just staring at the wall.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Bronze

November 27th 1998

10:30 p.m

Xander walked in to the Bronze and sat down at one of the tables, and pulled out a large flask and took a drink. He looked around at the people in the club, he frowned as he saw Willow and Oz sitting off by themselves. He missed Willow, he looked down at the table, shaking his head.

_No, Wills won't want to be friends with me, I'm dirty. She needs friends that are good, and that are going somewhere._ thought Xander as he took another drink from his flask. At that time Buffy and Cordelia walked into the club and over to his table.

"Well, lookie here. If it isn't Xander, the drunken junkie. I thought that you would have the manners to not show your face around good people." said Buffy as she looked at Xander in disgust.

"Oh, if it isn't the _Vamp Layer_, oh that's right, it's the _Vampire Slayer_, only you much rather sleep with them. I heard that you and Cordy here had started taking on more then just Vamps, so just how much for you, whore?" whispered Xander as he snared at them, so only they could hear him. Cordelia gasped at him then slapped him, as did Buffy.

"Is that the best you can come up with? I guess those drugs really are messing with your brain." said Cordelia with a smirk on her face.

"Hey, at lest a still have more brains then the both of you combined." said Xander with a smirk at them both, as he looked over at the guy's that came with them. His hand started to shake as he looked at two of them, they had been at the party that night, they had…

_No, not thinking about that, not thinking about that._ Xander said to himself as he looked back at the girls.

"Hey Xander I've got a question for you. Are you really taking it up the ass from very guy that will have for drugs? Cause that's what Cory over there said, he said that a friend of his told him." said Buffy as she pointed to one of the guy's that were standing behind the guy's that were clearly the girl's boyfriends. Xander swallowed and then looked at Buffy, then back at the guy that was her boyfriend.

"Hey, does your boyfriend know that you are a horrible fuck, cause Angelus told me that was the real reason that he was let lose. I mean if your so bad that you let lose Angelus, oh and he said that he had better sex with girls he had raped then you, I wonder what would happen if you fucked him. Oh I know, he would go gay, isn't that what the boyfriend before him did." said Xander with a sneer on his face, as Buffy gasped at what he had said.

"Hey Buffy, I think that your worth ten of him. I mean, you never have had sex with fifteen people, now have you." said the guy standing next to Cory, as he smirked at Xander, as Xander started to look for someway to leave.

"Yeah David, isn't that what the junkie here has done?" asked Cordy as she looked down her nose at him, with disgust on her face.

"Yeah, at Brad's party. He was very good, very willing, weren't you?" said Cory as he moved to right beside Xander, putting his hand on his crouch and rubbing his hand against Xander.

"Yeah, once he was wasted he was a lot of fun. Hey maybe next time we have a party you girls can come and try him out?" said David as he moved to Xander's other side as he ran his hands in Xander's hair. Xander started shaking as he pushed back and got up and ran from the club. He was about a block away from the club when he stopped running, then he turned as a car pulled up behind him. He turned as it stopped an people got out. It was David and Cory, they were on him before he could move, and then they had him in the car. They drove him to a house, and pushed him in as soon as they got there. There were four other guy's at the house. Craig, Dylan and two other guy's from the party, they were all naked. And soon so was Xander and David an Cory.

"So what going on guy's?" asked Xander as he is pushed down on to the bed that was set up in the front room, Xander tried to get up but he was pushed back on to the bed.

"What do you think, we want to play, we never really got the chance to at the party." said Craig as Dylan handed him a needle and vial.

"Uh, what's that?" asked Xander with panic in his voice, as Craig loaded up the needle, while one of the other guy's wrapped a rubber tubing around his forearm. Then Craig slipped it into Xander's arm.

"It's something to make you happy, a mix of X and Xanax." said Craig as the drug started to take affect and he started getting tired. Xander was pushed on to all fours and Craig slicked up his hard cock and entered him quickly, he pulled half out then slammed back into him. He thrust into him at a fast pace, after a couple of thrust he reached under Xander an grabbed his hardened cock and started pumping him. Three pulls and they both came at the same time, he pulled out and was replaced by David.

"Oh, you were good, Xan." said Craig as he set down and watched as David raped Xander. Xander just took it, he just stared at the bed. Over and over it went, one after another they went, for over three hours. Till they were finally finished, Xander curled into a ball as they drank and did drugs. Thirty minutes after they had stopped raping him, they heard cars pulling up.

"Hey, did one of you invited anyone?" asked Dylan as he looked up from were he was snorting coke. The others just shook their heads, they were about to get up when the door was kicked in, and the room suddenly filled with cops. Xander just watched as the others were arrested. One of the cops noticed him and moved over to him.

"Hey kid, get up, your all under arrest." said the cop as he walked over to him, but Xander just stayed curled into a ball and stared off into space.

"Kid, are you ok?" asked the cop as he stopped close enough to see the condition that he was in.

"Hey, I think that we have a overdoes here." said the cop, as he reached out to touch Xander. Xander tried to pull away from the touch, but then he just passed out.

When Xander woke up he knew that he was in the hospital, he looked up as the curtain around his bed was moved. A doctor walked up to him along with a nurse.

"Ah, Mr. Harris, so nice that your awake now." said the doctor as he started checking him out, Xander just sat there, not making a noise.

"Now, you have been out a few hours, all the drugs that were in your system have been purged, and you have been given medicine to prevent any sexually transmitted diseases, AIDs and HIV. Now you shouldn't have sex for a couple of days, maybe a week. An you know you really shouldn't be sell your self for drugs." said the doctor as he finished working on Xander, then turned to leave.

"What, I don't. I don't sell myself for drugs, and if that is what those guy's are saying then…they are lying, I have never sold myself. They…th…ey…they raped me." said Xander shaking with anger at them, and shame at what had happened to him. The doctor just looked at Xander then walked off, the nurse just looked down at him, with disgust written all over her face.

_I didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one that was raped._ thought Xander as he curled into a ball on the bed, as he laid down, he was shaking too badly to sit upright.

"Oh please, you're a man, men don't get raped. Now you just be quiet and wait for your parents get here, they should be here any moment." said the nurse and then she turned away from him an walked away. A couple of minutes later his father walked into the ER, and stalked over to him, he sneered at Xander.

"Get up, you little bastard. I had to take off of work to come and get you." said his father as he grabbed Xander and jerked him up off of the bed.

"Hey, dad." said Xander as his father dragged him out of the hospital and to the car, once in the car he started yelling at him, as they sped away from the hospital.

"Do you have any ideal what time it is boy?" yelled his father, Xander just shook his head as he slumped in his seat hugging himself.

"It's five o'clock in the morning." yelled his father as they sped home.

"Do you know what the police had to say to me when I got there? Do you boy? They asked me if I knew that my son was selling himself for drugs, to MEN. Do you know how embarrassing that was for me, to find out from the cops that my son is a fagged." screamed his father as they pulled up to the house. Xander got out as quickly as he could, but he was still feeling disoriented. He got to the front door, when his father grabbed the back of his shirt, and pushed him inside the house. Once in the house, he pushed Xander on to the couch. He stood over him as he screamed at him.

"I'm not selling myself." was all that Xander said, as he father started pacing in front of him the length of the front room. His father whirled around and glared at Xander.

"Is that all that you have to say for yourself, that you're not selling your self. What about the fact that you were found wasted in the house of a drug dealer, and had other men's cum up your ass? Huh, what about that Alexander?" screamed his father as he picked Xander up by his shirt front and slammed him up against the wall.

"That's true, but I didn't go there on my own. They made me go, they caught me outside of the Bronze." said Xander as he looked down at the floor, his father looked at him with disgust. Then he let go of him real quick and Xander didn't have time to move as a fist came at his head. His father punched him in the head, then when Xander was about to fall to the floor he grabbed him and started slamming him against the wall.

"You let some punks rape you, god how can you be my son. A real man doesn't let himself be raped; only women get raped, and men are the one that do it. God, your doing drugs and you get raped, your nothing but a waste of space and air." said his father as he stopped slamming him into the wall and let him slide down the wall. He kicked him a few times then he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer, as Xander's mother came down from their bedroom. She just looked at Xander as if he was something foul. Xander curled into a ball and tried to block out their voices.

"Tony, what did he do?" yelled his mother as she also went into the kitchen, Xander heard as a glass was taken out of the cabinets and of something being poured.

_Oh goody, sounds like mommy is hitting the liquor. Won't she be nice._ thought Xander as he started to shake. He was so tired, and he hurt, oh how he hurt.

"That little bastard in there has been doing drugs, Jessica and get this, last night he was raped." said Tony as they walked back into the front room.

"You're joking. I knew that I should have gotten rid of him as soon as I had him." said Jessica as she walked over to Xander, she just looked down at him then she kicked him.

"Yeah, you should have." said Tony as he kicked Xander a couple of more times.

"Alexander, get out of our sight, the sight of you is making me sick." said Jessica as she and Tony walked over to the couch and sat down to drink. Xander just nodded as he slowly got to his feet and stumbled up to his room. Xander started taking off his cloths the minute that he got in his room. He went into his bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as he could handle it. He grabbed a dagger that he had hidden in his bathroom and he started making swallow cuts on his arms, crying as he did. After he had done about twenty he stopped and started washing and Xander scrubbed till he was red. He shakily got out of the shower and grabbed a towel; he dried off then took care of the cuts, and then grabbed some cloths. He sat down on his bed and looked around his room; he saw the picture of him, Jesse and Willow, taken the summer before Buffy had arrived. He got up and picked it up and carried it back to his bed.

_God Jesse, how did it get so messed up? Your dead, me and Willow aren't talking, like she would want to anyways. I'm turning in to my father, only worse. I'm so messed up Jesse._ thought Xander as he hugged to picture to his chest, as tears ran down his face, rocking back and forth. Xander looks down at the cuts on his arms they weren't even bleeding any more; he traced a couple of them with his figure.

I broke my promise to you, I'm sorry. But I just couldn't take it anymore, it hurt too much. Oh god it hurts too much. I'm sorry Jesse, I'm not strong enough. thought Xander as he went in to his bathroom and got the dagger out once more, he sat down with his back to bathtub. He sucked in his breath then let it out again, and then he sucked it in and cut his right wrist deep as he let out his breath.

"Oh god, oh god that hurt." said Xander as he watched it bleed, he looked up as the door to the bathroom was thrown open, he father was standing there with a beer bottle in his hand.

"What the hell are you doing boy?" yelled his father as he looked down at Xander with a look of disgust on his face.

"You trying to kill yourself?! Give me that knife; no son of mine is going to commit suicide." screamed Tony as he rushed to Xander and grabbed for the dagger only for Xander to stand up and move, but Tony grabbed the hand that Xander was holding the dagger in.

"Give me that knife boy, and I might not beat the shit out of you for this stunt." said Tony as they struggled for the dagger, then Xander tripped forward, stabbing Tony in the stomach. Tony looked down at the dagger then at Xander, he turned and stagger out of the room, Xander fell to the floor and pushed himself into a corner.

Tony stumbled downstairs before he clasped at the bottom of the stairs. Jessica saw him and rushed over to him.

"Tony, what happened?" said Jessica as she took off her shirt and pulled out the dagger, then folded her shirt and pressed it to the wound.

"That little bastard, he was trying to commit suicide. We fought for the knife, he stabbed me." said Tony as Jessica grabbed the phone and dialed 911.

"Yes, my name is Jessica Harris; my husband has been stabbed in the stomach by our son. We live at 1264 Walnut Drive, please send an ambulance." said Jessica.

"Don't worry Tony the ambulance is on its way." said Jessica as she kept pressure on the wound. After what seemed like hours but was only three minutes the ambulance got there along with the police.

"Ma'am, were here to help. Can you tell me how long it has been since he was stabbed?" asked one of the two EMT's as he took over from her, getting to work on Tony.

"Uh, about four minutes." said Jessica as she watched them work on Tony. One of the cops came over to her then.

"Mrs. Harris, you told the operator that your son had stabbed your husband? Do you know where he would have gone?" asked the cop as he took out his note pad and started writing.

"He's still upstairs in his room." said Jessica as they started to move Tony. The cop looked over at his partner at that.

"Ok, thank you ma'am." said the cop as him and his partner started up the stairs with their guns drawn, they found Xander's room by following the blood trail. They went in and found Xander still in the bathroom, sitting against the wall rock back and forth.

"I sorry didn't mean it, I sorry didn't mean it, I sorry didn't mean it." Xander was whispering over and over again. The cops looked at each other and just shook their heads at each other.

"Mr. Harris, please stand up. You're under arrest for attempted murder of your father." said one of the cops, as he walked over to Xander while his partner kept his gun trained on Xander. Xander just kept rocking and whispering, he didn't seem to notice the cops in the room with him at all. The first cop grabbed Xander by the arm and hauled him to his feet then he turned him around and started to handcuff him. He grabbed Xander's right wrist and felt a sticky fluid on Xander.

"What the… oh my god. Greg, grab a towel, this kid has slashed his wrist." said the first cop as he turned Xander around and led him to the toilet, and sat him down. Greg handed him the towel then called for one of the EMT's to get to the kid's room.

"Hey, kid, what happened?" asked the first cop as he wrapped the towel around Xander's wrist. Xander just looked at the cop, then down at his wrist.

"It hurts." was all that Xander said.

"Your wrist, it hurts?" asked the cop as he looked first at Xander then at his partner then back again.

"It hurts." said Xander as he shook his head, then the EMT's were rushing into the room. They unwrapped the towel and went about stopping the bleeding, and got him ready to take to the hospital. It was a very short ride to the hospital. They rushed Xander and his dad into the ER, two doctor rushed over to them, the first one taking Xander. The doctor tried to talk to Xander but he was still out of it and not really talking.

"Mr. Harris, why did you try to kill yourself?" asks the doctor as he starts looking at the cut on his wrist.

"It hurts." was all that Xander said, in a tiny voice.

"Right, it hurts, we know that. But why did you try to kill yourself?" asks the doctor.

"It hurts." said Xander once more, as a nurse comes over.

"Doctor, I don't think that he is talking about his wrist. Mr. Harris, what hurts?" asked the nurse as the doctor turns to fill out some paperwork.

"It hurts." Xander said once more. The doctor and the nurse just looked at each other.

"Ok, we need to get him up to surgery; I think that we can prevent any permanent damage. Oh, and get Psych down here, he will need to be placed under a seventy-two hour watch." said the doctor as the started moving Xander, as the nurse started moving. Xander was taken up to surgery, they were able to prevent any permanent damage just like the doctor had said, after that he was moved to the Psych ward and held for the seventy-two hours, Xander was released afterwards.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Sunnydale General

December 1th 1998

7:30 p.m

Xander looked up as the door to his hospital room was opened, and in walked a nurse and a nurse.

"Hey Doc, time to cheek out?" asked Xander with a smiled pasted on his face. The nurse just shook her head at him.

"Yes Xander. Now, I think that you would do with sometime in here, but you're not a danger to yourself or others, right now." said the doctor he looked over Xander's charts. Xander just nodded at the man.

"Yeah. But I don't want to stay here." said Xander as he looked around the room.

"Well get dressed then your free to go." said the doctor as he walked out of the room, the nurse handed him his cloths. He got dressed and was out of the hospital in ten minutes, he looked around to see if his mother was there, not like he thought that she would be, but. So Xander called a cab and went home, when he got there, there was a cop car. He walked into the house, and in the front room were his mother and one of his father's drinking buddies.

"Mom what's goin…" said Xander as his mother walked over to him, she then slapped him across the face. Xander looked at her then at the cop.

"You will get your stuff out of this house and be gone before I get back, do you understand me?" asked his mother as she looked at him disgust, all that Xander could do was nodded.

"I will be gone for three hours, and once your out we don't want to see you ever again is that understood?" said his mother.

"Yeah. Yeah." said Xander in a tiny voice as he nodded his head.

"Uh, where am I suppose to go to?" asked Xander as his mother turned to go; she turned back to Xander, with a sneer on her face.

"Your father and I don't care; you're no longer our son. Your Uncle Rory will be moving into your room by the way, so don't think to go to him." said his mother as she turned and walked out of the house. Xander stood there for a second his mind blank, _where was he to go_, he thought. Then the cop came up to him, Xander looked at him then.

"You are a waste of space, Alexander. If you were my son I would have killed you for what you did." said the cop as he looked at Xander in disgust, then he turned and left. Xander just stood there for a few minutes then he turned and went up to his room to start packing. By the time he got to his room he was shaking.

_What was he going to do, who was he going to call?_ thought Xander as he looked around his room, and his eyes fell on a picture from the year before. It was of the whole group, they were sitting in the library and Miss Calendar had taken it, it showed them researching, Giles was looking at the camera and was smiling.

_Giles would let me stay with him for a little while._ thought Xander as he went over to his phone, he looked down at it, then picked it up, then put it down.

"No, he wouldn't want to have a drunken junkie for a guest." said Xander out loud as he turned away from the phone.

"So where else do you have to go, Willow's? Yeah right, if she found out about you cutting… she would be upset at me. It would only be for a little while then I can probably get my own place. Guess I'll have to drop out of school, but hey, it's not like I liked it anyways." said Xander as he picked up the phone and dialed Giles home phone number. After three rings Giles picked up, and Xander nearly cried when he heard Giles's voice.

"Hello, Giles residents?" said Giles.

"Hey G-man, its Xander." said Xander.

"Xander, what is wrong?" asked Giles as he started worrying, he had heard the tears in Xander's voice.

"Uh, I know that it's a lot to ask, but…my parents have kicked me out and I don't have anywhere else to go and it would only be till I could get a place of my own and I'll be real quiet. You wouldn't even know that I was there?" babbled Xander as he sat down on his bed heavily and started to shake, tears running down his cheeks.

"Xander, calm down. It's ok, I'll be right over, alright?" said Giles.

"Yeah. Thanks." said Xander then they hung up, and he started packing. He heard a knock at the door and went down to let Giles in. Giles saw Xander and pulled him into a hug, Xander just clung to Giles, like he was afraid that he would disappear if he let go.

"Oh, Xander, It's ok." said Giles as he patted Xander on the back. He then pulled back and looked Xander in the eyes.

"Let's go get your stuff, then if you feel like it you can tell me what is going on, ok?" said Giles, Xander just nodded and let go of Giles. Then they went up and started packing up his stuff, carefully wrapping all of Xander's pictures. They got everything packed and out to Giles's new SUV.

"Finely decide that you need a real car?" asked Xander with a small smile on his face, that was gone in a flash.

"Yes, I got a new automobile, I thought that it would help in the event of trouble." said Giles with a smile on his face, then he looked around like he was searching for someone.

"And Joyce said that it made me look much hipper, and that it would be more comfortable on a date." said Giles, hiding the smile that he wanted to show, as Xander screwed up his face in a grimace.

"ewww, ewww. I need mind bleach, I did not need to know that. It's like knowing your parents have sex, or your grandparents even, just…ewww." said Xander as he looked at Giles in mock shock and horror, then he smiled at Giles. Finely it was too much for Giles and he started laughing as they got in to the SUV, Xander's smiled dropped as he looked back at his house then at Willow's next door. Giles so him looking at Willow's house.

"You know that she has been trying to talk to you since school started?" said Giles as they got into the SUV and started off for Giles's house.

"Yeah, but she is better off with out me." whispered Xander as he looked out of the window, not looking at Giles.

"Xander, you have been Willow's best friend since kindergarten, as she has been for you. Do you really think that she would be better off with out you?" asked Giles as they got to his house, which was at the half way point between his and Willow's, and Buffy's houses. It was a large house, it had four bedrooms and two bathrooms. Xander got out and looked at the house.

"Yeah. So which room is available in Casa Giles?" asked Xander as he grabbed the box with his cloths in them. Giles just shook his head, and grabbed Xander's bedding.

"There are two bedrooms, there both quiet large, but one of them, the one that is next door to mine has its own bathroom. It also has its own balcony, it's not that big, but the other two don't have it. Only it and the master bedroom have it. Now, I never us my balcony." said Giles as they walked into the house.

"I'll take the one next to you. Thank you Giles, for letting me stay." said Xander as they started up the stairs to the bedroom.

"Ok, here it is. Your sheets will work, it is a full size bed, we can bring all of your stuff now if you wish." said Giles as Xander put his box of cloths down on the floor, he just nodded. Giles smiled and then they went and got the rest of Xander's stuff, it took them about three minutes to get Xander's stuff into the house.

"Xander, there will be rules. An one of them is no drugs." said Giles as he looked Xander in the eyes. Xander nodded and took out a small plastic tub and handed it to Giles.

"That's all of it." said Xander in a small voice, as he looked down at the floor. Giles sat the tub down on the bed and lifted up Xander's chin, looking him in the eyes.

"Xander, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Yes what you have done is wrong, illegal and bad, but you don't have to be ashamed of yourself. You just have fallen off of the right path, now your going back on it. Ok?" said Giles as he watched Xander thinking about what he had just said, then Xander just nodded to him.

"Yeah." said Xander softly.

"Good, rule number two, no drinking. Now, I will buy my self some beer, you are not to touch it, got that?" said Giles, Xander just nodded, looking a little green at the mention of beer.

"Ok, rule number three, room will stay half way clean. As will your bathroom. Rule number four, you will be home by one on Friday and Saturday, and eleven on school day's, is that understood?" said Giles as he looked at Xander, who smiled at that then nodded at him.

"Ok, then. You don't have to ask for anything in the house, except my tea. I have that imported from home, so. Oh and my room is off limits." said Giles as he looked at Xander, who was smiling just a bit at him.

"Of course G-man, don't really want to know what goes on in your bedroom, might scar me for life." said Xander, his lips trembled with held in laughed. Giles just smirked at him, the laughed at him.

"Xander one of these day's your going to get it. Now, let's go dispose of this stuff, huh." said Giles, and they went and flushed the drugs down the toilet.

"Giles, I think that I'm going to go to bed, ok?" said Xander after they had gotten rid of the drugs.

"Ok, Xander. You know if you want to talk I'm right here. Any time of the day." said Giles as Xander started for his new room.

"Yeah. Giles, thanks for letting me stay. I'll try and get an apartment real soon." said Xander.

"Xander, it's ok. You can stay here till schools out, cause the only way that you could afford an apartment would be to work full time and you are not dropping out of school, alright? Now, how about we talk about this in the morning, you look tired." said Giles, Xander just nodded and went upstairs to bed. Giles just shook his head.

_Why would his parents have kicked him out?_ thought Giles as he to went to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Giles's House

December 2nd 1998

8:35 a.m

Xander looked up at the ceiling thinking about what had happened, and he knew that he was going to have to talk to Giles about some of it.

_But what do I tell him? All of it or just part of it?_ thought Xander as he got out of bed and pulled on a large shirt. He went downstairs; Giles was waiting in the kitchen with food ready.

"Good morning, Xander. How did you sleep last night?" asked Giles as he handed Xander a glass of orange juice, and a plate of eggs.

"Ok. Thanks for letting me stay here Giles." said Xander as he started eating, they eat in silence. Once they were thru eating they went into the front room. Xander sat down on the couch and Giles sat in a chair close to the couch. Xander pulled his legs up to his chest and looked down at his feet.

"Xander it's alright, I'm happy to have you here. Now, do you want to talk to me about what happened?" asked Giles as he looked at Xander. Xander had his head down, and was hugging his legs to his chest.

"Yeah." was all that Xander said, as he nodded his head. He looked up at Giles then, and breathed a long sigh.

"You know that I have been partying, a lot?" asked Xander as he looked at Giles, who just nodded at him.

"Well, I have been drinking and doing drugs, mostly drinking. I've been doing drugs mostly at the parties that I have been going to. My father found out about it." said Xander as he looked down at the floor.

"Xander, your father might be a fool, but I am not one. Now, if you don't want to tell me that is ok. But if you do want to tell, then tell me the truth." said Giles as he looked hard at Xander. Xander looked up at Giles, and then he got up and started pacing.

"Uh…uh, three months ago I went to this party at Brad Johnson's house, he is a Senior over at UC Sunnydale. I went with a few guys that I know, they use to go to school with us, but they dropped out last year. Devon was there, and he is the one that I rode to the party with, but Dylan and Craig are the ones that I was hanging out with, I got wasted at the party. I took some Special K, ketamine, and something else. I was all so drinking real heavily." said Xander as he paused and looked at Giles, just waiting for him to say something, to lash out at him. Giles just nodded to Xander, and he started pacing once more.

"Brad and Larry Blasdell, you know from the football team?" said Xander, Giles nodded that he knew who Xander was talking about.

"Well, they took me back to this large room; they had a couple of large beds in there. There were all of these people, they were drinking, getting wasted and having sex. I had been to a number of party's just like it before. Anyway, they took me over to one of the beds, there were three girls on the bed, and…we uh…uh…" said Xander he slowed down and turned to look at Giles, he was blushing.

"Ah, I take it that you had sex with these girls?" said Giles as he looked at Xander.

"No, not really; they… just sort of… well the girls gave me blow jobs, and I only touched them, expect for one that I put my figures into." said Xander as he looked at the floor.

"Xander, I know what happens at parties like those." was all that Giles said as he watched Xander start to pace once more.

"Yeah, well we did that. While the girls were doing their thing, Brad and Larry was… you know, having sex with them while they were doing there stuff with me. Any way's after that went on for a while, the guy's had the girls get off of the bed. I just thought that they were going to want to do the same; I've done it a few times with guys. But they just… I wasn't really awake, the beer and the drugs I had taken were starting to kick in. I…I said no, but…" said Xander as he started pacing faster, Giles stood up then and gently stopped him.

"Xander, did they force you to have sex with them?" asked Giles as he made Xander look him in the face.

"Yeah." choked out Xander as he started to cry, Giles gathered him up into a hug and guide him back over to the couch.

Oh, Xander why didn't you come to me?" said Giles as he started rocking Xander as he cried.

"I didn't want anyone to know about it. I just wanted to forget that it every happened, great job I did. There's more, when they got tired of me, they…they… they let the rest of the people at the party have… have me. I was awake for all of it, I just couldn't stop them. The next morning after Brad and Larry had had another turn at me, they let me leave. By then the beer and the drugs were wearing off." said Xander as he pulled away from Giles, wiping away the tears from his eyes.

"Oh, Xander. I'm sorry that you didn't feel that you could come to me about what happened." said Giles with regret in his voice.

"Giles it wouldn't have mattered, I didn't tell anybody. Even if Willow and me had been talking, I wouldn't have told her. Or if Jesse had still been alive, I wouldn't have told him either and he was like my brother, almost." said Xander as he sat on the couch and started looking at the floor. Giles cupped his chin and lifted his face up and looked him in the eyes.

"Xander, you have nothing to be ashamed about, you were the one that was raped, you're the victim you have done nothing wrong." said Giles as he looked him in the eyes.

"Yeah. But it happened again. You can't tell me that being… ra… ra… ra… raped twice that… The second time was four nights ago. I was out at the Bronze, and Buffy and Cordelia showed up with their new boyfriends and two of their friends, who just happened to have been at the party, that night. Some things were said and… they said something about what happened at the party. I bolted, and they caught up to me, they took me to this house here in town, and… they ra…ra…raped me. I was there for about an hour when they stopped, they started doing some drugs, and then the cops showed up. They thought at first that I was one of the guys; it seems that they were drug dealers. Then they realized that I wasn't. I was taken to the hospital, oh yeah, didn't I tell you. They shot me up with a mixture of Ecstasy and Xanax, I totally passed out on the cops." said Xander, as he jumped up and started pacing; he started chewing on his thumb then.

"When I woke up at the hospital the doctor and the nurse, the thought that I was a prostitute. I told them that they guys had rap…ed me. Do you know what the nurse told me? She said _"Oh please, you're a man, men don't get raped_", I… I couldn't believe that she had said that to me. Then my dad showed up, and he took me home. I… when we got home, he… he beat me, for getting raped. Ha, he told me that real men don't get rape, that they rape others. And my mom, she was yelling and hitting me right along side of him. She told me that I was a waste of air and space, and that I deserved to be raped. Great thing to say to your son, huh?" said Xander as he turned around to Giles, with tears in his eyes.

"Oh, Xander. Your parents don't deserve you. A child is a precious gift, and they were not worthy of such a gift." said Giles as he got up and gathered Xander in a hug, letting Xander cry on his shoulder. Giles looked over Xander's body and noticed a bandage around his right wrist.

"Xander, what happened to your wrist?" asked Giles as he took hold of his wrist, lifting it up. Xander bowed his head and turned away from Giles.

"Uh, I… I… I have been cutting, since the guys; throw me out of the gang. After… after this time I… I… I… I just couldn't handle it, it… it hurt to much. Uh, the reason that my parents kicked me out was that my Dad walked in on me doing this, and we got in to a fight over the dagger that I was using. He… he was stabbed with the dagger, it was an accident, I didn't mean for it to happen. But they didn't believe me, but the cops got it, they put me in the hospital, that was were I was." said Xander as he kept his head bowed and turned from Giles. Giles tightened his hold on Xander and began rocking him every so softly.

"Oh, Xander, it's ok. I know that you didn't mean to stab your father. And you don't have to be ashamed about the other; I have friends that have done the same. And when I was your age, I also cut myself, all that needs to be done is to find you away to get rid of the pain and fear in a healthy way." said Giles.

"You… you aren't mad at me?" asked Xander in a small voice, with tears in his eyes, as he looked up at Giles. Giles could see the fear of rejection in his eyes.

"Oh, Xander, no. I'm not mad at you, you did nothing wrong. I'm just glad that it didn't work then I would have missed you. And I know that Willow would have also missed you; you do know that she misses you right now, right?" said Giles.

"Thanks. And Willow is better off without me, I'm just a drunken junkie, a nothing." said Xander as he looked at Giles with a sad smile on his face.

"Xander, yes you have a drinking and drug problem, but that doesn't mean that you are a drunken junkie, and it doesn't mean that Willow would be better with not you in her life." said Giles. Then he hugged Xander tightly for a few minutes then he carefully himself away from him; he then got up and walked over to one of the bookcases that he had in the front room. He took down a large book that was on the top shelf, and handed it to Xander.

"Xander, I think that it would be a very good ideal if you would read this book. It has to do with a lot of what your going thru, and I think that it just might help you." said Giles as Xander took the book out of Giles's hand and read the title of the book. _'Teenage Health: Alcohol, drugs, sex, and mental health.'_

"What is this for?" asked Xander as he looked at Giles.

"This is a book that I bought a couple of years ago; a friend of mine was going thought some hard times with his son. He was starting to do everything that we used to do, staying out all night long, getting drunk and high, and having sex with a lot of different people. But then my friend's son started acting out, they were fighting non-stop, then one day Hayden, that is my friend's son's name, by the way. Hayden tried to kill himself; my friend found out that at one of the parties that he had gone to he had been raped, by his boyfriend and some of his friends. Hayden had thought that his father would be mad at him if he had told his father about what had happened, and that he was gay. But my friend like me knew that these things happened and also that being gay is nothing to be ashamed of." said Giles as he looked at Xander with a look in his eyes. Xander's eyes just widen with fear then surprise.

"How… how did you know?" asked Xander as he looked down at his feet.

"They Hyena incident, it should have gone after a male, not a female, even though it was in your body. They go after what is the most alpha of the potential mates around them. In this case with you being male and the Hyena being female, I figured that you should have been confused, but you went right after Buffy, that got me to thinking. She would have gone after the opposite of herself, not you, because she was in control. But she didn't, she went after what was the opposite of you, now why would she have done that, unless you were in control just a bit. You were able to make her go after the opposite of what you wanted, not what you thought was a mate, but the opposite of your potential mates. That means that the opposite of what you wanted was female, not male. And like I said it's not something that you should be ashamed of, Xander." said Giles as he lifted Xander's head up and smiled at Xander. Xander just nodded and looked back down at the book.

"Thanks. I guess that I'll go read this." said Xander as he turned to go.

"Ok, but you can stay down here if you want to, it doesn't matter. You are not a guest here, this is your home to now." said Giles as he went and sat down in one of the chairs in the front room.

"Thanks, but I think that I need to read this book by myself." said Xander, and then he went up to his room. Xander had only read a little bit by the time that it was lunch, and Giles came upstairs to get him for lunch.

"Xander, you ready to have lunch?" asked Giles as he watched Xander reading. Xander looked up from the book and owlishly blinked at him.

"It's lunch time already?" asked Xander, as he stomach growled.

"Yes. It's actually three o'clock, I got lost in some work myself. So what do you want?" asked Giles as Xander got up from his bed, were he had been reading at.

"Whatever you want, I'm not real picky." said Xander as they walked downstairs.

"Ok, how about pizza?" said Giles as they walked into the kitchen, Xander sat down at the table as Giles walked over to the kitchen phone.

"Ok. Uh, Supreme?" asked Xander hesitantly, as he looked over at Giles.

"Super Supreme?" countered Giles as he grabbed the phone and walked to the table.

"No onions?" countered Xander.

"No onions, right." agreed Giles as he dialed the phone, he ordered the pizza. It took the pizza thirty minutes to get to the house. They sat down in the front room and started to eat.

"Xander, I have been thinking. You are going to need money to spend." said Giles.

"I'll get a job, its ok. You have done more then enough." said Xander.

"You right, you do need a job, and I think that working for me would be a very good job for you. You know that Buffy is horrible at researching and Cordelia is only a slight bit better. Now, I think that if you were to research here at the house then you would be able to help keep Willow safe." said Giles as he finished eating, he sat back and watched Xander thinking.

"You're very sly, you know that?" asked Xander as he looked over at Giles.

"Yeah. I know. I was thinking, twenty dollars an hour, and having the Council paying you for the help that you gave Buffy for the past two years, they, we owe it to you. You have been hurt fighting in a fight that the Council sees as only belonging to them. Now what do you say? Huh?" asked Giles as he watched the look on Xander's face. Going first to disbelief then to wonder then uncertainty in a matter of moments.

"Are you sure? I mean, you spend all that money on…" Xander trailed off as he looked at Giles.

"Oh, Xander. Buffy and your father did a real number on you self-esteem. Xander you deserve this. You have fought beside Buffy for two years, and if you three hadn't had the fight I think that you still would have been fighting beside her." said Giles.

"Ok. I accept. Uh, I don't have to talk to Buffy, do I?" asked Xander, a little worried.

"No, you don't." said Giles, they spent the rest of the day working out how they were going to do this.


End file.
